1981 Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."
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1966 Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries this season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?"

1981 Mike McCormack , coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: "I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time."

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
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The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man
while weight lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers."
"Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain
mean.

25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you
better be referring to his beer.

26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a
buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending
your response.D&G Belts
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27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're
on equal footing: either both urinating or both
waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod
is all the conversation you need.

28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

The atheist blinked directly into the light "It would be
hypocritical of me to convert to a Christian after all these
years, but could you instead make the bear a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice from above. The bright light
disappeared. All of a sudden, life resumed around the man. The
river ran again. The forest became alive once more with the
gentle sounds of nature.
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The bear stirred. Slowly, he lowered his right paw, brought both
paws together, bowed his head and graciously spoke:

"Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly
thankful."

Robert Evans, 46, had a really bad day recently, Will and Guy have learned. Read this short and hilarious [but not for him] account of his day.

Firstly, Mr Evans, from Boulder, Colorado, USA, was knocked down by a car in a hit-and-run incident and was taken to hospital for his injuries,Patek Philippe
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Tag Heuer but was released later that night only slightly hurt. Then, as he was making his way back into town with his bicycle he was hit by a railway train while crossing a bridge. Luckily he was found alive, in a creek, and taken to hospital for a second time; once more his injuries were found not to be life-threatening.

Right And Wrong

Teacher writes a sum, 3 + 7 = 9, on the blackboard.
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Teacher: Is the sum right?
First Student: Wrong.
Second Student: Right.
First Student: Wrong.
Second Student: Right
First Student: 3 + 7 should be 10 and not 9, right?
Second Student: Right.
First Student: Then why did you say 3 + 7 is 9 right?
Second Student: Because you say it is wrong and I agreed with you.
。